Sunday, July 9, 2017


A sudden realization that something is right in front of your face. They say that it only takes 30 days to create a habit. After 30 days then something that initially was a chore becomes a part of your routine and you may no longer feel "inconvenienced" by having to do it (go to the gym, skip the fast food meals, cook breakfast, etc). The same can be said for humans being creatures of habit and once we find a comfortable routine, it can be tough to break free of that and try new things. Not always, and sometimes trying new things is very different than changing our habits.

Having always been a very independent soul and individual, I find comfort in human companionship and crave it just like most of us, but I am also comforted and sometimes even crave my silence and alone time. This is nothing unique to me, many people are also just like this; many folks find that solitude is a recharging time and introverts crave it almost more than human touch. Living a certain way for many years doesn't mean that is what we want for the rest of our life; it's always a study of one and what makes one person happy may not make another. Open communication and being willing to listen is key, because as soon as we start writing on the blank pages of someone else's book and fill in their story in our words, we take away something precious from that person. Everyone deserves to fill in their pages on their own and in their own time. Patience and faith that it will be okay can be tough but can also be essential.

It can be hard to change the way you think, or feel, and some might argue that changing the way you feel is impossible. The mind is more powerful than we give it credit for sometimes and I believe that if you can convince yourself of something then it can become a reality. I doubt that this works for things such as "I am convinced that my bedroom light is on" when it's clearly off, and thinking the light switch will magically flip itself on; but if you think of it in terms of mantras and mindsets, I believe that change is possible for feelings.

For some people changing their routine (adjusting to shopping at a new grocery store, or a new coffee shop for example, or something larger such as living with someone after being alone for 10 years) can be incredibly difficult; for others that part is easy. Changing a mindset however, or convincing yourself that you no longer love someone, can be much more challenging.

Can you consider having been in love if you've never crossed the boundaries of friendship? If all you ever have are conversations, a few dinners or drinks here and there, and generally speaking never have physical contact; how can you truly know how you feel about a person? How do you define love, or more specifically, how can you define falling in love? Jane Austen wrote "I was in the middle before I knew I had begun" in reference to a character realizing that they loved someone. It's easy to read in novels or see in movies two characters that meet, have few interactions, and realize they love each other deeply and it was "love at first sight".

I have never believed in love at first sight, I do believe that connections we create with each other throughout our lifetimes can cross over and cause an instant connection between souls; a sort of, calling out to the other and recognizing someone important, even if we don't understand why. Perhaps this is why the concept of falling in love when you are never with the person makes a bit of sense to me. In that same train of thought though, if this is true, can you truly change your mindset and the way you feel about someone? Regardless of how you fell in love or developed strong feelings, can you convince yourself otherwise? Or do you learn how to live with love and find other ways to love? After all, there are many types of love in this world, perhaps it's like collecting coins, and you've simply checked off a few boxes of feelings you have.

Listening to the thunder roll and rain fall softly on the earth outside my window is a comforting sound. It lends me strength and encourages me that everything will be ok. Good friends that I can lean on, strong shoulders that I can rest my weary head on, the steady silent resilience of Mother Nature, these are things that give me strength to keep going. I feel the solid weight of my dog resting his body against my legs and for a few moments, I forget about the stressors of the world.

Finding your rock in life can be important to helping you get through the tough times, it can also help you build your own strength. Being someone's rock can provide a sense of security and strength in itself, as well as bring a sort of stability to your own life. Everything in life should have a balance, like yin and yang; being independent and leaning on someone else should be the same. Finding a balance of someone that you can lean on, and also have the respect of to allow you to be strong on your own when you need to be, can be tricky, but I do believe that it's very possible; I have been lucky to be the rock and to have a rock in a few friendships/relationships with people.