Thursday, January 5, 2017

Square pegs don't fit in round holes, obvious right?

Square pegs don't fit in round holes, obvious right? 
It sounds simple and obvious, don't force something that doesn't fit. But we do it all of the time, even when we think we aren't. Even in cases that it doesn't seem applicable. Have you ever started seeing someone, and thought that they were fabulous; they said the right words, they were sweet and attentive, but then when you mention becoming more serious, they clam up? They all of a sudden show "their true colors" and you learn that you are but one in several dozen pretty blondes that they are focusing on for a distraction from their life?

You can't ever know what's really going on in someone's head, there's no veritaserum or spell you can cast to know when there is something more behind their words that they aren't saying, but you will never know the true measure of a person until their walls and their guard come down. And once that happens, it becomes remarkably easier to see through the bullshit and read between the lines. And once that barrier is gone-you can see them for the square peg that they are and you won't try to mash them into your round hole (absolutely no pun intended here). By going with the flow of life, and the ebb and flow of people, you can walk into situations and take them at face value for what they are; without the tumultuous heartache that comes from endearing disappointments and broken hearts. Unfortunately it takes a few broken hearts to get to that point sometimes.

What do you do when you see someone you love in pain and shutting you out? There's only so much pushing you can do to let them know that you're there, and sometimes even then they just retreat deeper into themselves. Even people that once could open up and feel comfortable can suddenly change, and while I have become used to some patterns like that in my life, it's still hard to see them going through hard times and not being able to be there for them like you want. But again with the round hole and square peg, maybe the best way to be there is to not. Forcing your thoughts onto them might make it worse simply because we need to learn to listen to hear, and not to speak or reply.

There are constantly opportunities to learn something new every day. One of my mentor's in life is Dr. Susan Friedman, she is a stunningly fantastic behavior analyst and an astonishingly captivating speaker. Her voice is soft but commands a presence that you lean forward and listen to. I've heard her speak on the same topics dozens of times, to the point where I can usually predict the next powerpoint slide or video that she'll use to illustrate her point, yet every time I find myself sitting on the edge of my seat, taking in every word she says and writing down pages of notes of things that she has helped me think of and break down.

One of the amazing things about listening to (and talking to) her is that she is excellent at being there in the moment with you and she is genuine in it. Through listening to her I have learned and grown more confident in my ability to better read people and to be a better person for them.

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