Tuesday, February 28, 2017

Keep Going Cues

When you are searching in life for something more, and you start reaching at the fringes of your sanity, how does that make you feel? Momentarily fantastic when you get a sensation you want? Massively let down when you keep searching and turn up fruitless?

To use a training reference, we are all looking for that "keep going" signal. No matter where we are in life, learning a new behavior, continuing a behavior we know well...we are always searching for what's next, and looking for cues from those around us. Even the most confident learner still needs reinforcement and encouragement  that they are doing well, it's ridiculous to think that just because you gave them a "great job" once that they will hold that with them forever and continue to feel as good as that initial completion. We are creatures of habit and also searchers for that "high", that feel good fix that comes when we do something well.

This applies to personal growth as much as to habits, ethics, morals, and things we do in our daily life. A person can be confident in who they are, and happy, truly happy, with who they are. They don't have to be insecure to search, they simply have to be unsatisfied in one or two areas of their life significantly enough that they start to feel lost. There are people in my life that are drifters and some that are anchors. Even the anchors search sometimes in life, but the drifters never find solid ground.
I know who I am, I know what I believe. I also maintain that flexibility and humbleness of accepting that I could always be wrong, sometimes very wrong, but if I trust my instincts I've learned that I can be wrong less but learn new things easier. As confusing as that sounds it isn't, because simply put, someone taciturn can be proven wrong but they are too stubborn to believe it. A flexible person can be wrong, but go with the flow early on and learn something new. I am also stubborn and have a tough time giving up on something Or someone that I believe in.

This could be why I believe so strongly in reincarnation because it gives me a solid believe that the reason I feel so strongly about some people is because we knew each other in a past life. For better or worse, reincarnation gives me something to move forward from, a starting point as to why I feel so nervous around deep water, why I feel such an intense connection with someone I barely know, and why certain people put me on edge from before we even say hello.

The "keep going" can be as simple as support, and that looks different to everyone. So much in life is dependent on feeling supported or included, or appreciated, even our non-work related life. Sometimes feeling like you're heard, or directly or indirectly supported, can mean more than a bottle of wine and a case of gummy frogs at the end of a long day. (That might be a very reinforcing thing for me...)

Essentially I believe that in life we look for those that give us the reinforcement we desire and need to survive. For some souls it might be someone who constantly tells them what a great job they are doing and showers them with compliments and gifts, always letting them know that they love them and are thinking of them. For other souls they could simply need a presence nearby that they know is solid and they can trust, someone who will tell them when they need to hear it most and sometimes randomly that they are on their mind. It's different for everyone and in different parts of our life we could need different things.

Even the most stubborn will find a point of no return. A point where the pain and broken heart are beyond repair, sometimes because they are simply exhausted from trying to hold it together. And when you know there is no logical future in this life, and you feel deep down that something has changed, it's hard to not feel disheartened by that and just walk away. Through this pain, what sort of growth can be found? It might be at the root of every moment of pain and distress in your life for awhile, and even the normal stress of life feels either lifeless or compounded with the pain of a thousand heartaches if you really analyze it. It's miserable, there's no sugar coating it, there's also no get well soon remedy. Time will pass, and the love that never faded will still remain but the pain of the broken heart will fade. The sadness at what was lost and never known will ease with time and one day, the experiences will make you stronger. Maybe also feel dead inside because hope sucks and life never truly throws you a bone, but you're able to get through your days without crying when you hear their name. And that can be considered a win.

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